Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
