His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
