I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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