I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
