Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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