dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize