Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
