Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
