And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
