You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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