they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize