a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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