I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
