I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i think my mom watched the whole time
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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