from now on my penis is your penis
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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