the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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