you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
