doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
they're like a gay fantastic four
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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