i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
