I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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