im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
