We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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