so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
