I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize