twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
