If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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