Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
