i think my tv is drunk
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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