Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I am spending my child support on dildos
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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