i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
