ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
