Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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