He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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