if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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