we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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