you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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