I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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