He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Ladies don't puke and tell
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
