"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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