We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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