ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
