Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
