Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize