We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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