i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
