my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
