Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
