Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
