Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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