Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You were trust falling into bushes
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
