Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
