I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
