Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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