also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
