she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
