My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
