Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He shit in the fireplace
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
