I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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