My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm sobbing to NWA
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Congratulations! We have a period
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
