I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
