....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize