don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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