I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
