So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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