would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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