Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I will be naked everywhere
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
