forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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