Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize