Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i already hear my dad disowning me
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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