Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
