pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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