o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
