Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
