i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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