She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
