butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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