WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
