So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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