We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
