It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
