When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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