2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
