I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
