I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
