Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
