I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
