He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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