I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
