I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Panties = found
Randomize
