It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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