Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
