You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize