Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
