Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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