Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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