Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
