oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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