EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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