Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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