I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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