you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
