we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
