using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
