i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
