foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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