from now on my penis is your penis
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
