Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
