yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
