P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
