my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
